Like most people I wanted to make some changes for myself going into 2020, well here we are in month 2 and I feel like I’m getting my groove – how are y’all making out?
But here’s the thing – 2019 I become a Mom!!! Like that freaking changed my whole world in so many ways.
Being a Mom has been the most rewarding and challenging job I’ve ever experienced. I never knew it was possible to love another being as much as I love my little boy. That being sad….dude, some days suck!!! You know those days when you just changed the diaper, cute outfit on, ready to go, and dam – poopy diaper! Or the days everything seems completely overwhelming and you’d love to sit and just enjoy one cup of HOT coffee?? I guess in all of this I found the love of iced coffee perhaps! Any other Mommas feel me here??
Something I haven’t shared openly is that I’ve been suffering with postpartum anxiety, and at times it has literally been debilitating. At first I didn’t want to admit it because I thought saying it out loud meant I was a bad Mom.
Anxiety looks different for everyone, but my main trigger is fear of being away from Liam – I think a big part of this is that we live away from our family and don’t have the supports that a lot of people who have a new baby have. I also started having panic attacks, like why are these even a thing? – literally the worst!
What did I do about this? A number of things really – having amazing support from my love Jason, the family members that I did reach out to, but the one thing that has helped me the most was going to therapy. I know that’s a scary word and it sure as heck isn’t everyone’s jam and that’s totally cool. But it really works for me.
It has made me look at myself in ways that I never have, it’s challenging and rewarding much like parenthood. And like parenthood I’ve decided therapy will be in my life forever too!
When I started doing self work, it wasn’t easy, some days I would literally be so emotionally exhausted that I wouldn’t want to get out of bed and then you have those break through moments and it’s like dang that totally makes freaking sense!!!! Hallelujah!!!
I always knew I was a people pleaser – sweep it under the rug kind of girl. I had and have people in my life that I chose and choose to make me feel less than or manipulate situations. I’m working on setting boundaries which is so extremely hard for me because for such a long time the thought of someone being upset with me would physically make me sick and still does – but again I’m working on this!
When I had Liam, something clicked in me. I have so much love for this boy and the thought of people treating him poorly brings tears to my eyes. And I remember the day at therapy when I was speaking about a relationship I have, and I said I never want Liam to feel like this, he deserves so much more. And my therapist said – “Katie, you deserve so much more – you deserve everything you want for Liam” and in that moment is when I realized – girl this is it!!! Get your shit together because I don’t want my son growing up seeing unhealthy relationships in my life and thinking if it’s ok for my Mom to be allowing this behaviour then it’s ok for me. Because it’s not.
I started setting boundaries, and heck that crap is stinking hard. Especially for the people in your life that you’ve never once set a boundary for – change scares people and setting boundaries with those people is not fun or easy for both parties!!
But I’m doing it, and I wish I could say it’s easy. But it’s not, it’s a lot of work and somedays I want to give up and go back to my people pleasing ways – but then I look at my beautiful boy, he deserves better, I deserve better!
I’ve changed so much over the last 12 months, I truly believe for the better.
So the point of all that back story is….
It’s been a minute since I have been posting to my blog and this is one of my commitments to myself this year, it’s something I love doing and it brings me joy (anyone still on the Marie Kondo kick?) I’m going to be revamping my site, so bare with me for a little bit, until then, you’ll see my posts here!!
But here’s the thing, it’s going to be different. It’s going to be my life now – which is still my love and passion for interior decor, but it’ll include baby stuff, postpartum, mental health, healthy living journey, cooking (this is Jason’s domain – but it’s become our classic go to date night in), date night and family day ideas, the good, the bad, the down right messiness that makes up my life currently.
I hope you guys will still follow along – and as always if there is anything you want to see just let me know
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